What’s Your Sign? Cocktail Horoscopes
Has asking this question ever resulted in anything good? In its defense, “What’s your sign?” makes your intentions clear right off the bat. And if the receiving party can get past this shameless stab at attention, it opens up a host of directions for your conversation to twist and turn. With this blog post, we honor the official sleazy pick-up line of happy hour.
So, What’s your sign?
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)
You’ve got the spirit of a hero, so nothing gets you excited like a classic martini garnished with a little drama. It just doesn’t taste the same if the bartender doesn’t make a big show of shaking it up, just for you. Whether you take it with gin or vodka, the method is non-negotiable: shaken, not stirred. You feel important holding the distinctive triangular glass, and it’s a great excuse to toss out James Bond quotes.
Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)
For a connoisseur like you, the Manhattan has the right combination of fine ingredients without going over the top. It’s made with sweet red vermouth, rye or Canadian whisky, a dash of Angostura bitters, and a maraschino cherry. You know what you like, and you can be a little stubborn about it, but know how to have a good time.
Gemini (May 21-Jun 20)
You’re unpredictable, Gemini, and the White Russian is the only cocktail that can keep up with you. The contrast between the Kahlua and cream mirrors your dual nature, with a little vodka to amp it up. (The caffeine helps too.) You like being associated with The Big Lebowski, not because The Dude abides, but because that movie is weird AF.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Cancer, you are the mom of the zodiac, and you’re happiest when you embrace your ‘50s housewife persona: nurturing, a little sweet, and a little bit “extra.” You are the classic Old Fashioned, made by muddling a sugar cube with Angostura bitters, then adding bourbon or rye, a few dashes of water, and finished with a citrus rind. Just have one, darling.
Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
The sun sign of sun signs, Leo, you are a tropical Mai Tai. Deep down you want everyone to enjoy abundance and good times, as long as you can be the one to get the party started. Mix rum, Curaçao liqueur, orgeat syrup, and lime juice for instant island vibes. After a couple rounds, your friends might be ready for karaoke—but they’ll never have your stage presence.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
I see you, Virgo: you’re a great listener and helper, but there’s always more going on beneath the surface. Likewise, you’d never know the Amaretto Sour has such an exquisite flavor profile hiding under the foam. Made with amaretto, lemon juice, and egg whites, garnished with cherries, this cocktail is always a shockingly pleasant surprise.
Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
Libra, you are all about the aesthetic: beauty and balance just make sense to you. You are the Moscow Mule, but not just because of the shiny mug! You are more complex than that! Made with spicy ginger beer and lime juice, garnished with a slice of lime and mint leaves, the classic Mule has just the right mix of sweet and refreshing. We all need to just face it: you get the shiny mug because you are just that good.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
Scorpio, everyone is jealous of you because you’re a Negroni and everybody wants to be a Negroni. One part gin, one part vermouth rosso, and one part Campari, garnished with an orange peel, you are an Italian aperitivo—and a strong one with really nice bitter fruit flavors. Nobody gets how you can be so intensely loyal and yet so vengeful when crossed, so powerful and yet so sensitive. Just keep sipping and let them try to figure you out.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
What cocktail could please a self-assured risk-taker like you quite like the margarita? Most people do need a shot or two of tequila to get on your level. The salt-rimmed glass and lime wedge give this drink an exotic look, which you love, and the sweet-sour-salty flavors keep you stimulated for long nights of adventurous reveling.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Nobody really knows what a Capricorn is, but that doesn’t bother you. Like the humble Gimlet, reportedly drunk by sailors in the Royal Navy, you feel glamorous in your own way and that’s just fine. Two parts gin, one part sweetened lime juice, you have the grace of an old soul and a history of tough lessons learned. Others may laugh now, but you quietly grin because you’ll never get scurvy.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Aquarius, you are a refreshing mojito. People don’t see you coming, but you often end up being the life of the party with your bubbly soda, fresh mint, pungent lime, sugar, and white rum. You’ve got a little bit of everything going on, but it always seems to work out perfectly. Never too much of anything, you can relate to anyone and make friends wherever you go.
Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)
Anybody else would be miserable swimming in their feelings the way you do, Pisces, but you’re like a Long Island iced tea: lots of liquid ingredients (what is that splash of cola doing in there?) that all kind of blend together into one ocean of emotion. Mix up vodka, tequila, light rum, triple sec, gin, and yes, a splash of cola—and this special concoction will take you forever to drink in, but leave you pleasantly sloshed.